Golublog: An Anthropology Blog

Sarah: I just don’t know

Willem: Aw, come on.

Sarah: I feel it would be deeply dishonest – like I’d be living a lie.

Willem: How can you say that when the genius of this plan lies in its stunning sincerity?

Sarah: Well…

Willem: Look, it’s easy: You go to the door. You knock on the door. They give you candy. You walk away.

Sarah: It’s just…

Willem: All I’m saying is this: snack-sized Butter Fingers. Dozens and dozens of them.

Sarah: [sighs] ok, let’s do it.

[sound of walking. a door bell]

Willem and Sarah: Trick or treat!

Kindly old woman: Happy Halloween, children! [sound of candy stuffed in bags] And who are you dressed up as?

Willem: [grand, impressario like] We’re brave Jedi warriors!

Kindly old woman: My, your costumes are wonderful. Did your mother make them for you?

Sarah: No, we saved up our allowance and bought them at the BX.

Willem: [polite cough]

Sarah: I mean yes. Our mother made it.

Willem: Have a lovely evening, ma’am.

[sound of hurried walking]

Willem: ‘Bought them at the BX’?

Sarah: You said to be honest.

Willem: I said that the genius of this plan lies in its stunning sincerity. I didn’t ask you to launch into a monologue on logistics at the academy.

Sarah: [despondent] I’d feel better if I had some sort of costume – even just a little pumpkin mask or something. This is just so… cheaterly.

Willem: Just stay candy-focused. Let’s try this again.

[footsteps on a porch. Doorbell]

Willem and Sarah: Trick or treat!

Nazarin Hamid: Well what have we here? Two hungry little Luke Skywalkers! I think I’ve got some candy for you somewhere.

Willem: [dismissive sort] Right. Luke Skywalker. Please.

Nazarin Hamid: Excuse me?

Willem: What a bushleaguer. That guy got his HAND cut off.

Sarah: [concurring] Amateur.

Willem: [goofy, big-bird sounding voice] ‘look at me! I’m Luke Skywalker! I’m on my speeder bike!’

Sarah: [lispy little girl voice] ‘I’m Kyle Katarn! I’m ambivalent about my force powers!’

Willem: [wookie impressions]

[Sarah and Willem giggle uncontrollably]

Nazarin Hamid: Wow, you guys must be really big Starwars Fans.

Willem: [recovering] uh, right… big Star Wars fans. That’s right. We’re big fans. Fans.

Sarah: [helpfully] Our mothers made the costumes for us.

Nazarin Hamid: Yeah, they look really real. Your lightsaber even looks like it’s real metal. Can I see?

Sarah: [suddenly stiff] No. Absolutely not.

Nazarin Hamid: Come again?

Sarah: Against regulations. Sorry. You’ll put an eye out.

Willem: Uh… what she means to say is, uh… we’ve got to go…

[sound of running footsteps]

Willem: [incredulously] ‘you’ll put an eye out’?

Sarah: Hey you’re the one who started making fun of Luke Skywalker.

Willem: But that guy got his HAND cut off. When I grow up to be a Jedi I’m going to be just like Rex Masterson. Luke Skywalker is, like, my ANTI-roll model.

Sarah: All I’m saying is that I wasn’t the only one to… jiminy! Do you feel that?

Willem: [suddenly still] Yeah – Jedi. A half dozen. It must be a whole squad. Jeez, what could be happening that we’d need to get that many people together?

Sarah: Anne is with them.

Willem: Yes. Could the Academy be under attack?

Sarah: Willem, I’m scared.

Willem: Don’t worry Sarah, Anne will know what to do. They should be rounding the corner at any -

Anne: Willem? Sarah? What are you doing here?

Sarah: Oh.

Willem: Er.

Anne: [sternly] Yes?

Willem: Uh… we were just about to ask you the same question.

Anne: I’M taking the second-graders out trick-or-treating like I do every year. YOU TWO are supposed to be back at the academy doing your homework.

Sarah: [deer-in-headlights] It was his idea I swear I never really wanted to I told him we shouldn’t but he wouldn’t listen to me and so I just -

Anne: And what was that idea, exactly?

Willem: Uh… we were sorta out trick-or-treating, sorta.

Anne: [perplexed] But you don’t have any costumes on.

Willem: Well, the genius of the plan lay in its stunning sin – OW! That’s my EAR!

Anne: I’m well aware of that young man. And any more lip from you and it’s going to be my actual fingers pinching you and not just The Force.

Willem: OW! Stop it! STOP IT! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! I’m sorry!

Anne: You two will return the academy NOW and finish your homework. Then tomorrow you are going to get up, do your exercises, and then sweep out the ENTIRE second floor of the Great Library.

Sarah: [whining] But Ms. Kawharu….

Anne: And as for you, young lady – you should know better than to go along with Willem’s hare-brained schemes.

Sarah: [sullen] I’m sorry.

Anne: [more gently] I know you are. Now go home, eat your candy, finish your home work, and get ready for a lot of sweeping tommorow.

[sound of footsteps]

Sarah: Some plan you big dummy.

Willem: At least she let us keep the candy.